


Nandito Lang Ako (I'll Always Be Here)

by ariesxdraco



Category: Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral (2018), Heneral Luna (2015)
Genre: Angst, Jovente, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of Suicide, Modern AU, Suicide Attempts, Unresolved Tension, ideation of suicide, will probably add more soon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 15:02:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16557986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariesxdraco/pseuds/ariesxdraco
Summary: "Whatever happens, I'll always be right here."





	Nandito Lang Ako (I'll Always Be Here)

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! This will be my longest note because I want to say a few important things.
> 
> 1\. TRIGGER WARNINGS: SUICIDE, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, DEATH (will add more if needed but P L E A S E read with caution)  
> 2\. This story was based on an AU posted by @hernandhoe on twitter.  
> 3\. This was suppose to be a one shot but I got stuck while writing because the topic hits home. Also, I want to know if my readers will point out mistakes that I committed with regards to writing this kind of concept. In case, there are any, malalaman ko agad and pwede kong mabago or itigal na ng tuluyan. SO, PLEASE COMMENT KAPAG MAY MALI AKONG NAISULAT.  
> 4\. Slow updates kasi ayon nga, medyo personal ang topic.  
> 5\. Title was taken from Ben&Ben's Susi.  
> 6\. Sana mabigyan ko ng justice yung AU na 'to
> 
> Ayun lang. Check me out on twitter (@avocaries) for my other stories and AUs. Enjoy!

_**[based on this au](https://twitter.com/avocaries/status/1050768280493813760) ** _

_**\--** _

 

Vicente could still clearly remember when he first saw Joven Hernando. It was almost three years ago, during their freshmen orientation. They were both under the Communication Arts program of their university and the young man caught his attention with his innocent but observant eyes behind those round glasses and his small, shy smiles to whoever tries to talk to him.

 

He never spoke to Joven though. Even when they became blockmates. For almost three years, he only spoke to the other when needed. Most of the time, he just steal glances from him and sometimes, he would notice that the younger was looking at him as well.

 

You might be thinking that Vicente was infatuated with his blockmate. He was just merely curious about Joven, that's all. He hoped then that Joven also thinks that way or else, the younger man probably finds him creepy for staring all the time.

 

Vicente was able to satisfy his curiosity when finally, he was placed in a group with Joven as their leader during their first semester in second year. It was for a short film and Vicente helped with the script as well as the editing. The editing part was where he managed to get to know Joven much more.

 

He found out that Joven's first love was actually writing and then the next was photography. Though, he has to admit that the man was very talented with regards to film making as well. He was their director after all.

 

Vicente and Joven became close because of their short film. However, their conversations were usually focused on academics and their organizations. Which was why Vicente did not expect Joven to stick around even after the showing of their film.

 

For some reason, Joven was always there to cheer him up. To make him laugh despite both of them being exhausted from all their works. It was like, Joven was there to...protect him.

 

You see, Vicente is not well. Mentally speaking. He was well aware of the state of his mental health. He has been seeing various therapists and taking his medicine. But none of it was working and as much as he hates to admit it, Joven's efforts aren't working as well. Sure, he did stop self-harming two months after being friends with Joven but that doesn't change the fact that he still felt numb and empty inside.

 

Having Joven  doesn't make those voices inside his head go away.

 

\--

 

"Come on, Vicente. Midterms are over and we both deserve some rest," Joven whined and violently tugged at his arm.

 

Vicente groaned and flicked Joven's hand that was tightly holding him, "Why can't you just go by yourself? You don't always need me around. Ask Remy or something."

 

Joven made an exasperated sound, "Ate Remy has a date with Ate Feli on that day. Besides, it would be much better to go to that festival with a fellow Communication major."

 

The festival that Joven was talking about was the Silent Film Festival. The younger has been telling him about it for over a month now but he had no idea that Joven would want to take Vicente with him.

 

Vicente stared at the young man beside him before sighing and stopping at the end of the staircase, "Fine," he answered causing Joven to look at him with the biggest grin on his face, "But you would have to treat me dinner."

 

The younger let out a laugh and nodded, "Deal!" Joven gave him a hug and said, "I'll text you the details, alright?"

 

Vicente could only nod his head and watch as Joven walked away to go to his council meeting. He could feel his face heat up when Joven hugged him. His heart was beating too hard, it almost felt like it's going to jump out of his chest. What is happening to him?

 

He shook his head and wielded the weird feeling away. He continued walking out until he was out of their university. His apartment was just half an hour away from their university and he could take a jitney anyway but Vicente felt like walking so that's exactly what he did.

 

While on his way to his place, he let his mind wander.

 

In all honesty, he really didn't want to come with Joven. He has been feeling out of the mood since the start of their midterms. Though, it did not come as a surprise since that's what usually happens to him when everything is starting to overwhelm him.

 

He would've stayed stubborn and refuse Joven if only he doesn't want his friend to know about his situation. That's right, Joven doesn't know about the state of his mental health.

 

It was probably too insane for him to not tell Joven about it because they're best friends but Vicente has his reasons. For one, he doesn't want to burden Joven and the thing that he fears the most, he doesn't want Joven to pity him. Especially when most of his friends started treating him differently when they found out about his health.

 

Vicente sighed and unlocked the door of his dorm. He doesn't have any roommate so he was greeted by complete silence. Nothing new.

 

\--

 

Later that night, when the neighborhood was already asleep and everything was quiet, Vicente laid awake on his bed. His face pressed on his pillow, small sobs and whimpers rocking his body. He doesn't know why he was crying. All he could remember was staring up at the ceiling then tears were suddenly falling down his face.

 

Vicente was quite thankful that he was alone. He could cry freely. He could do anything he want.

 

He curled in on himself and covered both his ears, "Shut up," Vicente pleaded to no one, "Just shut up!"

 

Vicente sat up suddenly and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills from his nightstand. He held it tightly against his chest and sobbed loudly. He was all sweaty, his hair was sticking up to different places, tears were continuously falling down his face. Everything hurts and all he wanted to do was scream. He held the bottle in front of him with shaking hands and slowly opened it. He tapped the container against his palm, letting the white pills out.

 

Vicente stared at the numerous pills on his open palm, his breathing was erratic though his tears have stopped. He slowly raised his hand up to his mouth. He was ready. Just swallow the pills, wait for a few minutes and all these pain would be over. All he has to do is man the fuck up and take the damn pills.

 

‘Just do it, coward,’ he thought to himself.

 

Vicente took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and placed the pills inside his mouth. He quickly grabbed the water bottle beside his bed and was about to drink from it when his phone started blaring his ringtone causing him to stop halfway and stare at the noisy gadget.

 

He could see the caller I.D despite the fact that his eyes were still partly blurry with tears and it made him whimper. He was itching to reach for his mobile and answer the call but he shook his head and drank the water but he failed. He gagged just as he was about to gulp down the medicine and ended throwing up the pills.

 

Vicente threw the water bottle at the wall in front of him and muffled his screams with his fist. The phone have stopped ringing but it kept notifying him about his messages. He grabbed the harmless piece of gadget and was about to hurl it at the wall as well but it started ringing again. He clenched his jaw and asked himself whether or not he should answer.

 

In the end, he hesitantly pressed ‘accept call’ and placed the phone against his ears. He did not answer and focused on calming down his breath.

 

“Vince?”

 

Joven’s sweet and soothing voiced echoed from the other line.

 

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry if I did. I just--I was in the neighborhood and thought that you might still be awake doing god knows what since it’s a Friday anyway.”

 

Vicente closed his eyes and remained quiet.

 

“Vince? Are you there?”

 

He opened his mouth to answer but stopped when he realized that his voice could not be trusted because of his current state.

 

“I know you’re there. I could hear you breathing. Why aren’t you speaking? Is there something wrong?” Joven asked. Concern lacing his voice.

 

Vicente inhaled calmly and released his breath. He swallowed the lump forming on his throat and willed the tears back.

 

“Vince, please answer me. You’re starting to worry me.”

 

Vicente could only cover his mouth with his free hand and choke out a sob.

 

“Are you crying? Vicente?”

 

He shook his head and placed his phone face down on the mattress as he let his sobs take over his body.

 

For what seemed like hours--but really, it’s just a few minutes--, Vicente stayed there sitting at the edge of his bed with his face buried at his hands. His tears have fully stopped and all he could feel was the tiredness from crying and lack of sleep.

 

He was too out of it that he didn’t register the door of his flat opening and closing. It was only then when he heard his name that he raised his head. He squinted his eyes and he was able to see Joven standing at the doorway of his bedroom looking at the mess he made during his episode.

 

He forgot about giving Joven a copy of his keys a month or two ago when Joven started going to his apartment whenever the younger felt bored or whatever his reasons are. Vicente never complained about it. Not until now.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Joven flicked on the switch and let the light flood the once dark room. It gave both men a clearer view of the bedroom. The sight made Vicente flinch. Though it is not as messy as he had expected but it definitely showed the things that he never wanted Joven to see. The pills that he was supposed to take were on the floor, still wet because of the water that he spat out along with it. The wall in front of his was sprayed with water due to the bottle that he threw earlier.

 

Despite feeling ashamed, Vicente still spoke with as much venom as he can, “You shouldn’t have come here,” but his voice cracked.

 

Joven furrowed his eyebrows and slowly walked towards him, careful not to let him slip because of the wet floor. Instead of standing in front of Vicente, the younger sat beside him and stayed still.

 

“You should leave already, Joven. I’m fine,” Vicente insisted though he was sure that his appearance betrayed his statement.

 

It seemed like Joven thought the same thing because he only sat there eliciting an irritated sigh from Vicente. He was just about to tell his friend to leave when Joven enveloped him into a warm, tight hug that almost made Vicente tear up right then and there.

 

Instead, Vicente inhaled sharply and remained calm, returning the hug just as tightly, “Aren’t you going to ask about what happened?” he croaked out. His voice wavering because of overwhelming emotions.

 

“No,” Joven answered plain and simple.

 

Vicente bit his lower lip and buried his nose on Joven’s neck, inhaling the manly yet calming smell of the younger. He could fall asleep right there. Wrapped in Joven's warmth. He actually felt drowsy because Joven was soothingly rubbing his back.

 

"Do you want to take a shower?" Joven asked, breaking their comfortable silence but not their hug.

 

Vicente thought for a while. He felt exhausted and all he wanted to do was lie back down on his bed with Joven lulling him to sleep. His best friend. __Best friend__. He's having such ridiculous thoughts about his best friend lately.

 

Vicente nodded silently despite his thoughts and reluctantly pulled back from the younger. He quietly stood up and walked out of the room.

 

He showered peacefully. For the first time in a long while, the voices left him while he was showering. He found it odd but then he realized that it's probably because of the fact that Joven finally knows and Joven understands him. At least, he hopes so.

 

When Vicente got out of the bathroom, he saw Joven with his back turned to him. The younger lad was busy cooking something. Frying, to be exact, and a pot of boiling water with what seemed like noodles in it was on the stove as well. He chose to go straight to his room and get dressed instead of bothering his friend.

 

Upon seeing his room, Vicente could only stare at his now clean bedroom. How long was he showering, exactly?

 

The wetness of the floor and the wall was now gone. The white pills are nowhere to be seen. His bedsheets are the fresh ones from the laundry that he picked up about three days ago. Joven tidied everything. Vicente smiled and went about on getting dressed.

 

\--

 

Vicente ruffled his wet hair as he padded barefooted towards Joven who just finished laying down a plate of fried eggs and __pancit canton__  on the dining table. He chuckled at the food causing the young man to snap his head at his direction.

 

Joven grinned sheepishly, "Sorry. I know the food's probably not ideal at this time but it's the only decent thing I could find in your fridge and pantry," the younger sighed and looked pointedly at him, "You seriously need to go grocery shopping already."

 

Vicente laughed lightly and shrugged, "I always eat out. I don't see any reason as to why I should do that."

 

His young friend hummed - just like how a mother would do when their child is being too stubborn - and sat down on one of the seats, "Nevermind. We'll go grocery shopping tomorrow and you couldn't complain."

 

"Yes, _nay_."

 

"What a stubborn git. Go and eat before it gets cold."

 

Vicente smiled widely and tended on his friend - despite Joven's loud protests - before starting to devour his own food.

 

The two men ate in silence. It wasn't tense or awkward. Instead, it was calm and peaceful. None of them acknowledged what happened earlier. However, they both know that they are grateful for each other's presence. Especially Vicente.

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think. Sa lahat ng WIPs, dito ako pinakinakabahan so, kung sakali man na mali ang pagkakasulat ko (e.g. if I accidentally romanticized mental illness), please tell me sa comments or DM me on twitter.
> 
> (@avocaries)


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